This past week I traveled to beautiful San Diego and met with my accountability group, something we have been doing for the last 17 years. It’s a small group of us that got together towards the end of our seminary time and we have been meeting each year ever since.
It might be the most important commitment – outside of our marriages – that we have. It is for me. No matter the job I have, the church I am attending, the place I live or anything else that comes and goes in and out of my life, this group is my mainstay. They know me. They know me better than anyone outside my wife and my boys. And they love me. I know them. And I love them.
Sounds easy enough, huh? It hasn’t always been. Back during the build-up to the invasion of Iraq our group nearly shattered because I took a very hard line against the war. I made it very uncomfortable for anyone to sit silently by, particularly leaders in the church, while the war raged on and precious lives were lost. I said extremely hard things and challenged the members of our group. That war was a moral travesty to the United States and the entire world and support for it – either active or through silent complicity – was sinful. I believed it then and I believe it now.
My fellow members in the group felt judged by me and there were hurt feelings. The truth is, I still don’t regret anything I said or did. If you want to speak prophetically, it is easy to do it when the people to whom you are speaking will either never hear you or will never care what you say because you are so far away from them in status or geographically. Speaking to those you love? Man, it is hard and it hurts. On both ends. I cried many times for the pain that was felt in the relationships that I knew also brought me the greatest amount of joy and encouragement in my life. I felt a greater sense of disappointment and discouragement than I ever have in my life because of the distance between me and the guys in the group.
But we stuck it out. They stuck with me. They know me. And they love me. I know them. And I love them. We still differ on some things, and some of those things are fairly substantive, but our differences do not overwhelm our commitment to one another. Sure, there have been times when it seemed easier to just get out, to just go on, perhaps with people who might agree with me on more issues. But I just kept coming back to this thought: They know me. And they love me. I know them. And I love them. There is just something about this truth that would not let me go these last 17 years.
It won’t let me go now. I need this group now more than ever. I need them to remain faithful to my wife and my family. I need them to remain faithful to my calling to ministry. I need them to remain faithful even to myself. I still hold strong opinions regarding social and political issues. Those values and opinions are dear to me. Those opinions and values shape me and deeply shape my worldview. But those issues and my active engagement in them do not define me in total. I am also shaped very much by the relationships in my life and it has been one of God's greatest gifts to me to be shaped by the men in my accountability group.
I just love these guys. They know me. And they love me. I know them. And I love them.
I tire of the blogs that end with "this is what the United Methodist Church needs" so forgive me as I trespass my own rule, but may I suggest that small accountability groups is something that United Methodists might want to do amidst all of the talk about splitting? Heck, aren’t Wesley’s classes what we came out of? It isn’t just about loving people. We throw that term around far too often and it means very little most of the time. This is about accountability, this is about life together, this is about knowing people. And when you know them; in spite of what you know about them, loving them.
I am talking about being the Body of Christ y’all. If we as United Methodists can’t do this or just simply do not want to do this, then maybe splitting up ain’t such a bad idea. If we can’t love people or if we can only love people who agree with us then we aren’t much of a church in the first place. Regardless of what happens to the institution though I can tell you what I will be doing in 2016. I will be meeting with my annual accountability group somewhere in Texas. You know why? Cuz they know me. And they love me. I know them. And I love them. And man, it’s beautiful.